“Y’Mean, like Jason Vorhees?”

14 04 2011

I am such a sucker for horror movies. Especially those extremely gore-y movies which seem to cast only the most B-rated of all the actors and actresses. Recently, a friend of mine suggested I watch a movie called “Hatchet II”. Naturally, my reaction was, “But, I haven’t seen ‘Hatchet 1’.” Upon seeing “Hatchet II”, I realized that seeing them in order would not matter whatsoever.

The plot for this movie is wonderfully generic. You can really just turn your brain off and enjoy the antics that ensue for this one. Basically, the plot is this: Marybeth (the actress from the “Halloween” movies) is seeking vengeance on Victor Crowley (the actor who played Jason Vorhees) because he killed her family. She get’s a group together including Reverend Zombie (the actor who played The Candyman in “Candyman”), a very big and angry man named Trent (the actor who played Leatherface in the “Texas Chainsaw Massacre”) and Marybeth’s unlce, Bob (the actor who played Michael Myers in “Halloween”).

Genius casting, right? I thought so, too. Now, this movie isn’t quite for the faint of heart. The movie isn’t long. Victor Crowley takes no time at all when it comes to killing people. And, it isn’t one of those movies that is just psychologically horrifying and you never see any of the killing. You see it. And you see it ALL. After the first person was killed, I was hooked. I can tell you about it, too because it isn’t giving anything away (not that there is anything to give away…):

There is a big “mountain man” looking guy sitting in a cabin alone and he starts  hearing these noises. I’m pretty sure he knows that it’s Victor Crowley hunting him down. Out of nowhere, you see this horribly deformed guy reach through the mans stomach and yank out his intestines. Here’s where it gets funny. The man thinks he can run away even though Crowley has a hold of his intestines. So, the guy tries running but is abruptly stopped. Crowley begins to pull the guy back close to him (using his intestines, of course). Crowley has the guy sitting in front of him and begins wrapping the guys own intestines around his neck. He starts strangling him with his own intestines. Amazing, right? It get’s better. It pans away and all you can see is the shadow of what’s going on WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THE GUYS HEAD EXPLODES.

My eyes got wide and my mouth hung open when this happened. I know it sounds awful, but sometimes, the gorier, the better.

I don’t always like turning my brain off when I’m watching a movie, but sometimes you just want to see a guys head explode as a result of being choked with his own intestines.

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